When Being Mommy Wasn’t My Priority

I think it’s important to see the rawness of life and how we tackle these moments.  How an unforeseen, unimaginable crisis can affect more than just you and what that experience looks like months later.  This week I get really personal.  Mommy Engineering focuses on parenting and that includes the ups, downs, victories, failures, laughs, tears and everything else in between that effects parenting needs.  My hope in telling you my incredibly personal story is that you see your importance much sooner than I realized mine.  

How Infidelity Effected My Ability to be Mommy

I didn’t think it was possible for me to do that until it happened.  Over a year ago, my world was flipped upside down and my heart ripped out and stomped on because of my husband’s affair.  At the time I was only two months postpartum with our second child together.  My hormones were raging inside me and I was feeling all my emotions all at once.  It was simply the worst emotional rollercoaster ride of my life.

Why Mommy and Daddy are the most important jobs in the World #Parenting #infidelity #mommy Click To Tweet

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t have the grace some wives seem to have when things like this happen.  Nope.  I was a crying, raging, babbling mess.  In the days, weeks, and months that followed were full of pain and I became incredibly depressed.  If his affair alone didn’t crush me, the harassment from the other woman did.  My breaking point was when I had police officers showing up at my house to “check on my children” for signs of abuse.  I lost it.  With grace that could only come from God, I survived.  My husband quit his job, my mother quit her job, my dad flew home and my kids, my two month old son Brayden and two year old son Jameson, were shuffled between households.  They were moved around each week between three households and staying extended nights at each one.  My health declined drastically and I lost about 35 pounds and my ability to breastfeed Brayden.

Have you experienced infidelity? Did it effect your family life? I would love to hear from you!

A year later, I look back on those days and literally cringe.  I can still feel the deep pain in my heart from my husband’s betrayal but the guilt I feel about allowing my husband’s selfish choices affect my relationship with my children and their well-being is strictly on me.  I see the problems that have since manifested in my children as a direct result of my withdrawal from them.  I failed to establish a solid mom-baby bonding with Brayden who is now over one year old.  I miss the feeling I would get when I breastfeed him and the way he looked when he would look up at me.  It still hurts to think about.  Jameson was affected the most.  During the time when he needed guidance and attention, I wasn’t there for him.  He is three years old now and for the last year, he suffers from separation anxiety, a demanding need for attention, and already suffers from low self-esteem and high anxiety.

Moving my family forward from this point is going to require a lot of work not only in my marriage but also with my children.  My husband and I have taken over parenting our children and can’t be more thankful for that and the support our families have shown us this past year.  My hope is that you reading this; whether you’re single, married, divorced, or riding the emotional infidelity rollercoaster ride from hell, that you never forget being Mommy and how important your job is to their lives.  Stay strong and take care of you so you can take care of those most important to you.

How Infidelity Effected My Ability to be Mommy #infidelity #mommy #lifecrisis #parenting Click To Tweet

What life crisis have you gone through that effected your ability to parent and how did you overcome it?

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Katriza

Wife, Stay at Home Mom of two boys, and blogger. Friends and family call me Kaye but my personal favorite is "Mom." I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to be at home with my two baby boys. As an engineer by career, and stay-at-home mom by choice, I write about how to “Invent. Innovate. Design. Mommyhood” and what that entails.

  • http://www.EverydayLifes.com Rebecca Bryant

    FOr me because I was in the hospital a lot when my son was little he would cling to me . He never let me out of his sight for fear i wouldn’t come back. even as a 15 year old he wouldn’t go anywhere without me. Now after a year long stay at home without hospital visit he is starting to get out more.

    Your a strong woman for survuving this. thank you for sharing.

  • http://www.elizabethdoren.com Elizabeth Doren

    That’s a really powerful post. Thank you for sharing. It shows how strong YOU are as a mom to recognize and work to fix. All the best to you and your children.

  • http://www.terristeffes.com Terri Steffes

    Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt when you learned about your husband’s affair. It is hard to regain trust. Your bravery may help others.

  • http://www.growingupmadison.com Amanda Love

    I can understand what it’s like. You’re definitely going to feel like your world was crushed and you’re going to lose your optimism and your motivation to do better. I think you’re very brave for sharing your story.

  • http://www.dogvills.com/ Dogvills

    You are such a strong person and an inspiration. Finding out that your husband is cheating on you is so heartbreaking. You are so brave to share your story.

  • http://www.taraberries.com Tara Berries

    Good for you for overcoming such a tough time in your life. Infidelity would be a hard thing to come back from and I am sure your children benefit from you and your husband being together.

  • http://www.themostlysimplelife.com Christine @ The (mostly) Simple Life

    Such an open, honest post. Thank you for sharing. I hope eventually you can look back and see that you did the best you could at the time in a terrible situation and give yourself grace. Your kids are lucky to have a mom that adores them and sees their struggles.

  • http://www.themultitaskingmomsite.net Emily

    I can’t even imagine. It seems that you are very strong a year later and prepared for the struggles ahead.

  • http://wendypolisi.com Wendy

    Such a difficult journey you’ve been on! I admire your strength to push through it. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

  • http://guyandtheblog.com Bill S

    I am so sorry that he put your family through this! I can’t even imagine going through something like this, I am sure in the long run it has made you an even stronger mommy!

  • https://www.almostindianwife.com Brittany

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are such a brave and strong woman to be open like this. It’s going to help so many people that are going through this right now or have gone through it in the past. Thank you.

  • http://spunkymoms.com Georgiana

    I can’t even imagine. You are amazing for even stepping out to share your story! Thankfully kids are resilient, and because you’re taking responsibility, I believe your relationship with them will be much stronger for it.

  • http://www.thechoosymommy.com Christine – The Choosy Mommy

    I am really sorry that you and your children went through this. And I am also really sorry that all of the stress affected your bond with your babies. But all you can do now is forgive and try to move forward. Now might be a good time to try to talk to your 3 year old more about his feelings and become that go-to person again. It is never too late!

  • http://www.positivelystacey.com Stacey Daprile

    I have been in your spot and I get how extremely hard it is. It is challenging to go through any grieving process and at the same time be there for others. We all do the best that we can. It sounds like you had great support and are moving forward. That’s all we can do. Move forward.

  • http://www.taketimeforstyle.com Kristin

    I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that was to go through. It is amazing how much little ones absorb. Glad to hear things are going better!

  • http://www.butterandbeats.com Keri

    Wow. Brave to share your story. Glad you were able to overcome the depression.

  • http://apintsizedlife.com Alix Maza

    Such a great and powerful post! Thanks for sharing, and remember that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers!

    Alix | http://www.apintsizedlife.com

  • Nicole Escat

    Oh, this is a very sad story. I am sure you will cope it up. Please stay strong for the kids.

  • Debra

    Thank you for sharing your story, I admire your strength and ability to push through it.

  • http://fabulousinfayette.com Whitney S

    Thanks for sharing your story!! You have such strength and courage to deal with it and push through.

  • Beeb Ashcroft

    It’s so hard to be a mother especially when something emotionally heavy is affecting you. You’re a strong person!

  • http://toughcookiemommy.com Toughcookiemommy

    Thankfully, I have never experienced infidelity personally. We have had family members go through it and it really takes its toll on the whole family.

  • http://www.theresasreviews.com Theresa

    What a tough moment in your life! Thank you for sharing because I can imagine this would really help anybody else affected by a similar situation.

  • Reesa Lewandowski

    Your story is definitely inspiring and I am sure that you are not the first person and not the last to go through this. I am so sorry that it spilled over into being a mother but I am sure that your kids loved you no matter what you were going through and knew that you were doing your best.

  • Robin Rue

    I have never had to go through anything like this, but I can only imagine your heart. I would have probably reacted the same way. What matters is that you are back together with yourself!

  • http://www.michigansavingandmore.com/ Laura Smith

    I am so sorry you had to go through this. I hope writing about it will make you stronger and start to heal you and your family. Remember you did nothing wrong! This was not your fault! Your children are young enough to heal and move forward. Good luck my friend! Some day you will look back at this time and wonder how you did it, but you will and will be stronger for it!