My husband and I got married in May 2011 and we decided that it was time for us to start our family after purchasing our first home in June 2011. It was until October/November of 2012 that I finally got pregnant. That entire year felt like an eternity and I had actually given up a month prior to becoming pregnant thinking that maybe motherhood wasn’t my calling. It hurt and such feelings also did damage to my marriage.
My story isn’t much different from many women or couples that struggle with infertility. We can often think of when we thought about having kids and whether that was in our future, but what if it wasn’t our choice to make? Choices are powerful and when that is taken away, we often feel lost and confused. Whether you struggled with infertility for a few months or years, the feelings are mutual. You may feel:
If you feel one of these, a few of these, or all of them (and more) I want you know that you are not alone and you will get through this. Experts say it takes on average 3 months to get pregnant but that is just a number. Everyone is different so it’s not surprising that it varies at all. If you’ve been trying to conceive for 6 months without any luck, try these helpful tips!
3 Helpful Infertility Tips When You Can’t Get Pregnant
After about 6 months of trying to conceive, I started to worry. My husband and I often fought and pointed the blame to each other and even made my husband get his sperm tested. When emotions are high, sometimes we don’t make the right decisions and that’s what I did to my husband. It caused a strain in our marriage and caused a lot of stress around the entire issue. When you’re trying to get pregnant, you want to promote a loving stress-free environment in your marriage.
Plan a date and date often!
There are a lot of emotional stresses when it comes to trying to get pregnant and after several months, haven’t been successful. It’s important to reconnect with your spouse and for some reason most married couples forget to date after getting married! My husband and I joined a support group a few years back that told us about the 7/7/7 Dating. It goes like this:
- Go out on a day date every 7 Days
- Have an overnight date every 7 Weeks
- Plan a weekend date every 7 Months
It is an easy plan to remember and the best part is that it doesn’t have to be costly. A day date can be a simple picnic at the park on a nice day, having a movie night in, a candlelight dinner at home, going for a hike, etc. It can be anything you both really love doing. It’s a great reminder to why you love each other and want to have a baby together. It’s important to keep this foundation in your marriage strong during times of infertility.
Daily Affirmations Exercises
The exercise is simple. Tell yourself and your spouse two positive affirmations everyday. Affirmations are words of encouragement, praise, or a heartfelt thank you given to yourself or your spouse. I realized that I haven’t been telling my husband thank you for doing some of the little things I love or want him to do because I assumed he knew I was thankful. Truthfully he didn’t because being married didn’t change fact that we couldn’t read each other’s minds.
These exercises also help with building yourself up because when you’re feeling: depressed, alone, confused, etc. you can start thinking of really mean things about yourself and forget the good in you. Examples of affirmations exercise looks like this:
For your spouse:
- I really appreciate you taking care of the dishes after dinner.
- You give the best hugs and I really look forward to them when you come home from work.
- I just wanted to tell you how proud I am to be your spouse.
- I am a good wife.
- I am a smart, dedicated person.
- I’m a wonderful daughter.
- I’m a hardworking employee.
- I am a friendly person.
- I am a good friend.
Establish a Self-Care Plan/Routine
A great way to help deal with the stress of infertility is establishing a self-care plan or routine to help you minimize your stress level. These plans vary from person to person because we all stress about many different things in varying degrees and our ways to de-stress varies as well. Below are some self-care ideas to help you make your own plan:
- A long hot bath after a stressful day at work
- Spending 30 minutes reading a book everyday
- Going for a 15 minute walk at lunch time
- Going for a run every morning
- Getting a manicure and/or pedicure
- Calling a distant friend and reconnecting
- Having a girls night out
- Taking your dog for a walk
Make sure to stick to your plan and have your spouse help you with them.
Just remember that during this time you’re not alone, make sure to stay connected with your spouse because this is a journey you both are doing together.
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